5:30 AM
a moment of reflection
I can't sleep.
A throbbing headache keeps me up.
I watch the sunrise instead and talk to myself in my head.
You heard me right, I talk to myself. Who doesn't?
Not out loud. That wouldn't be normal.
As I gaze towards the rising sun I feel my humanity coming back to me. Slowly but surely. As if that shining star gives me life, its rays illuminating my face with an overwhelming sense of reassurance. That I will always be human. Because that's what I am at the end of the day.
Then as soon as I put that mask back on, it's gone. I change. For the better or for the worse?
What do I pick? Have an ounce of humanity or remain a sulking, aging bastard for the rest of my days?
I still like my job. It's the best decision I ever made. Most people I know aren't the best. Except some.
Humans are social creatures - i'd go insane if I had no one to share a moment with. I know people like that. That life sounds painful.
I could go ahead and request another routine brain-fuck to keep me in line. I could. But no, I've had enough of those. All that it would do is fix this for a while. Then it'll start all over again. It's best if I leave it as is. The headaches will hopefully start to go away soon. The sudden anger outbursts will hopefully start to fade. No. Surely, not hopefully. Surely they will all go away.
I don't even know what I want anymore. I've already reached my goal. Aiming higher is daunting, but tempting.
You know what? I'll figure it out. I always did.
Back to sleep. Tomorrow will be better.